Thursday, August 11, 2011


Adding Truitt to the mix has definitely shaken things up here. And not exactly in the best way. Yesterday was the first day since he was born that it was just me and the kids. Chris went back to work and we were winging it. Up until then, Moyz and Kembia hadn't really seen me feeding Truitt because there was always someone with them. Needless to say, Kembia went balistic when it came time for me to feed Truitt.

I put both of the kids in their exersaucers and sat down on the couch with Truitt. Kembia started screaming like you would not believe. Add in the thrashing about in her seat and the huge crocodile tears, it was quite the scene. And she kept it up for 25 straight minutes. She had herself worked up so hard she just about made herself throw up several times. I finally put Truitt down and brought her to her bed, where she continued to scream for about 10 more minutes until she finally fell asleep.

I have to admit I am not quite sure what to do with the situation. She did it again a second time during the day, and then today as well. I am a little paranoid about the whole attachment thing, but yet I strongly believe that it is almost 100% manipulation on her part, as opposed to this great need to be with me. The instant I so much as reach my arms out to her when she is doing it, the tears and screaming instantly stop. Obviously I need to feed Truitt, and she will have to deal with that. Hopefully this won't cause some type of attachment issue because I let her cry it out so soon after bringing her home when everyone else says don't let them get to that point. I don't have a lot of options with 2 one year olds and a newborn. Something's got to give.

Moyz has been much needier as well. But nothing near to the level of how kembia has reacted. I get the feeling that she probably was never denied many things or told no too often. eventually everything will sort it out. It's not like we weren't expecting something along these lines, but it doesn't make it any easier even if you anticipated it. If anyone has any advice or thoughts I would appreciate it. It's pretty hard to google our situation!


  1. I'm just basing this on my experiences, but I suspect that Kembia's new found neediness with your new baby has more to do with her being denied many things than not. I'm sure that she will eventually realize that your her mom and that you love her. It's still so new and I'm guessing that if she's one she isn't talking, which would make it easier to explain things to her (or if you can speak to her in Lingala or French it might help).

  2. I agree with Varouna. They have not been with you long enough to fully attach yet. Kembia does not know or trust that you are her Mother, therefor she does not have the confidence to know that Truitt is not a threat to her position. I think instead of putting her to bed (alone?), you should scoop her up and give her the love and reassurance she needs. Hopefully with time and enough reassurance, she will not be jealous of the time you spend with Truitt. Perhaps in the interim, you can have Kembia sit beside you as you feed Truitt? Or hand feed her cheerios etc., as you feed Truitt? Or one of your older children can keep an eye on the 2 while you feed the baby in a different room?
    I feel for you, you certainly have your hands full!! Good luck!

  3. Hey, hugs. That is hard. I am praying you find what works and also find peace in just loving and enjoying eachother right now. You are doing a great job! They'll learn. Hugs.

  4. Are you nursing? Have you considered tandem nursing Kembia and Truitt? I Have a friend who adopted a 13 month old and was able to teach her to nurse. She was able to continue to do so for a year. I really highly doubt with her history she is manipulating you. She probably just wants the attention. If you aren't able/willing to nurse her what about giving her a cup/bottle at the same time? Or another snack? She might just want to be close while you are nursing. I can't imagine, what a tough situation. God bless.