I am starting to become an emotional wreck.

As we move closer to bringing our babies home (theoretically, we are still waiting for new court paperwork) I have started to get a little more detached from them. I know this doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but I am so terrified that they aren't truly going to come. I guess it is a survival mechanism I have developed. Not like it would make the pain any less if they didn't come home.

Still, I should know better by now than to watch Gotcha Day videos on you tube, and yet, I still find myself occasionally doing it. And I cry every single time. I imagine our Gotcha Day and what that might look like. I think about bringing them home to meet Ava and Owen, who love them so much already and pray for them every single day.

Everytime I am in the kitchen, which I am sure like most of you, is a lot, I see their beautiful pictures on my fridge and it makes me so happy, yet breaks my heart.

And then this past week, Owen and I made a run to IKEA. No real big deal until we got to that adorable kid section. I started to feel a little overwhelmed at all of the cute things for children, and knowing that we haven't gotten anything for the kids feeling like it is just too soon. Then I walked around the corner and this beautiful little black boy came walking past us with his white mom. It was enough to just about send me over the edge. In that brief moment, I was so clearly reminded of what we are hoping to have, and also so clearly reminded of what hasn't happened yet. It was like looking at my future, only it seemed so far away, and right now, so unattainable.

I would appreciate your prayers as we wait for our paperwork to come back. We are so close, and yet so far away. Once we have those papers, we can file with the US govt., which is the last step before making our embassy appt. and going to get our children. I am hanging in there the best that I can. Some days I feel like I spend much of my time praying that God will give me the strength to get through these last months of waiting, but it has been a lot for me.