One of those dumb moments

I honestly can't remember if I have blogged about this before. But when we were in Uganda, I didn't have access to large amounts of water. We were staying with our friend in a very poor part of town. So I basically didn't wash my hair for the two weeks we were there. If you don't wash your hair for two weeks, it does some amazing things. Mine decided that it was going to be curly. This is something that I have never noticed here in the states. When I was a very little girl, I had a crop of white blonde hair that curled into what would almost be the equivalent of a fro, but as I got older, I lost the curl, and the color, and it has been straight ever since. Two weeks ago I went to get it highlighted, and after she had rinsed the color out, she asked me if I always blow dry it out straight, or if I ever let it go curly. It was one of those embarassing moments, where I had to admit, well you know, when we were on a trip it did get really curly, but since I only wash my hair a couple of times a week (they swear it is better for you!) and that I immediately blow dry it so I can put it into a pony, I haven't really ever noticed that it was curly before. She ended up using a diffuser on it for the first time in my life. When she was finished and had me look in the mirror, I could not believe that it was myself looking back at me. I have always said that I wish I had curly hair. Now, I feel like a moron that I actually have curly hair and didn't know it. Talk about a dumb moment. To be fair, since my son was born three years ago, I have had extremely short hair, just about 2 inches every where except for longer pieces in the front, so I wouldn't have known at that length. The hairdresser said it probably became curly after my son was born if I never noticed it before then. I have to admit, I am loving it! It is super fun, but super thick, and much hotter on my neck when it is all curly, but I am over the moon about it! I will try to post a before and after picture so you can see what I am talking about! My hubby likes it, but thinks it is more than slightly funny that I have lived for so long without knowing. Apparently, it is very common for people's hair to change over time, especially after they have had children. Still, I consider myself fairly smart and observant, so this is one of those things where I had to pause and say "really, you missed this Jess?"

Good Exhaustion

I am beyond tired. This week has been our vacation bible school week. Since we don't have a church building (we meet in the high school), we do our VBS in the middle school. We have over 100 kids from our church and the community. It has rocked. The kids have been on fire and ready to participate. Same with the adults, although we drink lots of caffeine to help keep us going! The kids have been raising money by doing chores for the orphanage Chris and I visited in January. My two, all on their own, without me asking, cleaned their bookcase and the front closet. I was super impressed. One little girl from VBS cleaned the toilet at her house. Pretty amazing if you ask me. I hate cleaning my toilet! I think that Ava and Owen are going to be more than slightly disappointed next week when Monday comes and we aren't frantically trying to get out the door in time.

Other than that, no news on the adoption front. I am holding out hope for the last two days of July. Of course, now the fall clothes are starting to show up in stores, which is making my resolution not to by anything for them until we know who they are, a little bit harder. Okay, a lot harder. I know that they will be coming home when it is cold, so when I see those cute baby tights, and puffer vests, I can just invision my beautiful children in them. It was easier to avoid the little swimsuits and tank tops, because where I live, no one wears stuff like that for about 6 months out of the year. Have you recently looked at baby jeans? Could there be anything cuter? Plus, I live near a Carters outlet, and they have the greatest return program. As long as you have a receipt, you can return an item in 10 years if you wanted to. It takes a fair amount of self control to not by everything now, thinking I will return it later if it doesn't work!

Aside from battling my urge to buy things for children that I don't know what size they are, I have been trying to get rid of a whole colony of ants that came into my house with a plant that I have been moving back and forth from inside to out to soak up the sun. My kids love it because then they can play "ant smasher", but on the other hand, it is annoying to have them crawl on you when you least expect it, and I still panic and think that it is a tick. I grew up on a farm, so I really have no reason to be such a wimp when it comes to small insects, but I do not.do.well.with.ticks. I can, however, fake it very well when there is a tick on my kids and they are panicking. Then super mom comes out and is able to get it off without freaking out. It might be hard for me to hide the fact that I want to shreak and go running from the room, but I stay and get that tick off of them. (see also spiders). Isn't it amazing the things that we can do for our kids?!

Three months...

Well, today marks three months waiting for our referral. Sigh. When we signed with our agency, we were told 0-3 months for an infant, but shortly after we signed it was moved to 0-6 months. I am still hoping that something will come through in these last 4 days of July. That would be amazing. Meanwhile, I will repeat my mantra of God's timing, not mine, and try not to obsess about when the referrals will come, and stalking my email. Although, I will admit that it is going to be a challenge for me. I have thought about giving up the computer, but then I will for sure miss the referrals so I remain internet connected. My husband, meanwhile, is Mr. Patient. Which is both a really great thing, and a giant pain. I love it because he helps calm me down, and tells me that for whatever reason, our children just aren't ready yet to come home with us. But it is also really annoying, because I see the strength he has, and I don't have it. Plus, do you ever have one of those moments where you really want someone to be just as anxious as you? I don't really want to see him anxious, but I somehow think it would make me feel better. Of course, that is just selfishness talking, and yes, I am working on it.

Call me Rachel Ray

You know the feeling you have come 4:00 and you have no idea what to make for dinner? I tend to have that feeling on a semi-regular basis. Tonight was no exception. I am digging through my pantry filled with canned beans and chicken broth, trying to figure out something new and exciting, when I grabbed a box of Linguini. On the side was a recipe for linguini with clam sauce. Suprisingly, I happened to have a bottle of clam sauce on hand. (who has clam sauce on hand? I have no idea why I had a bottle in my cupboard!) I quick ran to the grocery store at 4:15 and grabbed two cans of clams. Got home, cooked it up, and hello. It was awesome! My kids even loved it and wanted seconds. How many kids do you know that eat clams? Especially kids who know it is clams and then still eat it? I feel like an amazingly accomplished chef, which I am sooo not. It tasted like something you would order at Olive Garden, only for 75% less moola. Below is the recipe. Hope you love it!

Linguine with Clam Sauce

16 oz. linguine
4 garlic cloves minced
3T. butter or margarine
20 oz. clams with juice
1 c. clam juice (in addition to juice above)
3T white wine, optional (I did not use)
1/4 t. pepper
grated parmesan cheese

Cook pasta according to directions. Meanwhile, in large saucepan, cook garlic in butter over medium heat until soft, about 2 minutes. Add clams and juice. Cook until heated through. Add wine and pepper. Pour over pasta in individual bowls, top with cheese.

Same Old and Bead for Life

I wish that I had something exciting to post. About the adoption, about anything. But I don't. It's the same old routine in the Nelson house. Not that I should be complaining. Life is pretty darn good to us. Today we have officially been waiting 2 months and 3 weeks. I have been fretting the closer we come to our 3 month wait for the referrals. We were told that the wait would be 0-3 months, but shortly after we signed, they changed the wait to 0-6 months. Still hoping to ge that referral in the month of July. Really hoping that it doesn't take us 6 months. Also really trying to rememer that in the world of adoption, this is still lightning fast.

In other news, Ava has started to freak out now that they have school supplies in all of the stores. She keeps stressing how summer is going so fast and it doesn't feel like vacation. (This coming from the girl who just spent a week at her grandparents being spoiled rotten!) I, on the other hand, love it when school supplies come back into stores. Who doesn't need 15 cent notebooks and folders? And a new box of crayons for a quarter? I'll take two! It is the perfect time to get new craft supplies for the kids. Three year old's are pretty hard on those crayons. (and markers and glue sticks and just about every other crafty item ever invented!)

I'll sign off after I mention a program called Bead for Life. This is a non-profit organization that partners with impoverished women in Uganda. They make beautiful necklaces out of recycled paper, and earn fair trade wages, and it rises them up out of poverty. For every dollar spent, 93 cents goes back to the women and to humanitarian programs they have like schooling, and medical, housing and well digging, to name a few. I simply signed up on their website to host a jewelry party. They send you all of the jewelry, along with some pictures and biographies of the beaders, and a short cd on the living conditions these women used to be in, and how Bead for Life has helped them. Then you invite a bunch of friends over to look at the jewelry. They have bracelets that start at $5, earrings for $10, and necklaces up to $30. I suggest you go to their website: http://www.beadforlife.org/. Every woman I know loves jewelry, and this is a great, tangible way to make a difference in the life of a woman half way across the world. It may not seem like a huge thing, but it is huge to them. One billion people in the world live on less than a dollar a day. When we were in Uganda, most people we met were just trying to keep from starving to death. This is real life for so many people in the world. And you can make a difference. Check it out. There is no cost at all to have the party. They ship the jewelry to you for free, and include a pre-paid return shipping label for all of the jewelry you don't sell. You have nothing to lose, but can change a woman's life.

Gotcha Day videos

Lately, I have really been into watching Gotcha Day videos. These are short videos that adopting families make of the first time they met their children. I love them. I have personally known none of the families that I have watched the videos of, but I cry every.single.time. I am not sure that it is the healthiest thing for me to be doing- I am not a pretty crier. My face turns bright red and splotchy, and my eyes puff up. But I can't help but watch! It is amazing to see the love in the faces of the parents and the families. I cannot wait for it to be our turn. (Which is another reason I probably shouldn't watch so many- it makes me really wish that it was our turn right now.) If you haven't had the chance to see any, you can go to youtube and type in Gotcha Day and a whole bunch will pop up. They are so much fun. I can pretty much guarantee that you will like them. I can't guarantee that you will cry, that seems to be reserved for ginormous saps like me. I cried at Toy Story 3 with my kids, who by the way, did not cry, and probably thought I was nuts! Perhaps we should not make a Gotcha Day when we go to get our two beautiful babies. Chances are I will be sobbing, plus with the red, splotchy face and more likely than not, snot, it may not make the best video! Oh well, that is all part of love!

Baby Birds

A little sparrow made a nest in the branches of a bush I have on the side of our house. Inside were 4 perfect little eggs. This has been a hobby of mine the last couple of weeks. I check every morning to see if any of the eggs had hatched. Two weeks ago, the first one did. I don't know if you have ever seen a newborn bird, but man are they ugly. This small pile of pink skin and bones and this huge area which is their still undeveloped eye. A few days later, three of the four birds had hatched. It became my routine to check on them a couple of times a day. I wanted to make sure that they were all still there, and to see them grow. At first I would make the parents panic (they take turns sitting on the nest, how neat is that?!), but I think they got so used to me that when I would come to look, they would just hop to a dift. part of the the bush and look at me. Last week, when I came out to look, one of the babies was missing. They were still teeny, tiny, but three in that little nest was too many, and one fell out. I searched and searched, but didn't see it. It really made me sad. Over the next week, I watched the other two grow and get super cute. I literally checked on them 5-6 times a day. A few days ago, I looked and there was only one. There was no way that she had flown away, so in a panic I started looking for her. About 20 minutes later, I found her under a flower further down in the garden. I placed her back in the nest, and went into the house. 20 minutes later I peeked and she was still there. The next day, both gone again. Now, I know that this is all part of nature. If a nest is too small to hold the babies, they will fall out. It's life, and I do understand that. But, I had gotten attached to these little birds. After searching my yard for about an hour, I found them both. I placed them in a small box, and put it into the tree. The parents came back to the box and continued to feed them for a couple of days. I would check to make sure that they were still there, and okay. They had almost all of their feathers, and were adorable. I imagine given 4-5 more days they would fly away. Yesterday, I checked in the morning, and left for a meeting. When I came back, the box was out of the tree, and the parents were going crazy with their chirpping noises. They were flying all over the place and I have never heard them so noisy. I probably spent an hour looking for the birds. I couldn't find them. Then I went in the house and watched the parents from the window to see if they were landing in any particular spot in the yard. I had seen them do this before, and that was how I found the babies the first time they fell out. The parents hear them chirp and go to them. This time, the parents didn't land at any particular spot. I went back out again to look for them, and still nothing. A little while later, the parents left our yard. The babies were gone. They were not old enough to fly. I had watched the one try to flutter around a little bit that morning, but it wasn't time yet. I don't know what happened to them, and it may sound silly, but I grieved for these little birds that I watched get big, and put back into the nest when they fell out. It was such a neat experience to see and be a part of. And then last night, I remembered a bible verse:

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" Matthew 6:25

I was attached to these birds, and when the first one fell out and died (we later did find the little body), I was sad. When the two healthy ones disappeared, I called my husband because I was upset. But my feelings both loving and sad for the birds, are nothing compared to what God feels for us as his children. I can't even begin to understand the sorrow he must feel at those who choose not to accept his love, at those who turn away from Him. I am just as guilty of not always accepting Him and following His ways as anyone else. Christians are not exempt from hurting Him. We make mistakes, we choose to do things we know aren't right. We all sin.

My sorrow for those birds wasn't even on the radar scale of what God feels for us. God created all life, and I don't think that feeling sad for those little birds was wrong. But my grief at their loss, should not overshadow, or come close to the grief I feel when people die and haven't commited themselves to God. Everyday there are people who die that have chosen to go their own way. Everyday people turn away from him for various reasons. I am convicted. God loves each and every person on this planet- the child, the mom, the husband, the murderer, the rapist, the Buddhist, the Muslim, the atheist. He loves ALL of us. Every.last.single.one. Have you really stopped and considered that before? That band that you can't stand the music? Loves them. That person who really drives you batty? Loves them. All those prisoners on death row? Loves them. Perhaps a family member who really hurt you? Loves them. He loves us all. What an amazing thing. I truly cannot comprehend it. There is no one in my life that can love me completely like that. No one that loves me regardless of the faults and all the things that I have done, and yet will do. And there is no one in this world that will love you that much. Ever. No one, but Jesus.

Round Two

Well, as much as I appreciate a doctor willing to lance the finger of a patient he doesn't know, it did not work. I don't mean to sound so bitter, but it is kind of annoying. I had to go back in again yesterday. (That would be the third time.) Only this time, I had to go into urgent care/ER. My hubby came with, and we are kidless because my parents take them a week every summer, and the timing just happened to be perfect. There we met the funniest person I have met in a long time. He was my nurse, and told me that I was a strange case (according to the triage nurse) and he was like House, (I have never seen that show, but my dad loves it, so I at least knew what he was talking about!) Apparently, when the triage nurse asked if our tetanus was up to date, and Chris said yeah, we just traveled to Uganda, it sort of made her panic a little bit. But the other nurse in the room was just was extremely nice and thorough and super funny. The perfect combination when you are panicking a little bit about your finger. Then I met my doctor, who sat me down and asked me a million questions about what happened to my finger and what I do for a living, and really looked at my finger and turned it around and put on this weird contraption on his head to help him see it up close. Basically, the doctor who lanced my finger on thursday didn't do it right. He also shouldn't have switched my antibiotic, and didn't give me the correct dose. Not to mention he made me panic over superbugs and all that stuff. (Or as my dad said "Apparently your doctor was a nimrod." I tried to give the doctor the benefit of the doubt, he was very young and didn't really look older than me. But that didn't make my dad happy either, and he told me I needed to screen the doctors I saw much more carefully! It is nice to see that my dad cares.) Anyway, the ER doctor said you never lance on the side of a wound like he did, because it doesn't really do anything besides create tissue damage. What you do is (if my last post made you a litte queazy, you might want to skip the next couple of sentences): you get this little fancy tool that has a hook on the bottom. Then you use it to pull up underneath the cuticle at the bottom of your fingernail, you raise it up as much as it will go, and then you jab it through the membrane and into the area that is swollen. Then if you need to lance more, you go in through the first jab cut with th e scalpel, and slice the skin horizontally, not digging in as deep as you can like the first doctor did. He said the important part when lancing a cut is to go in where the infection occurred (where I pulled the hangnail out) not some random place that is swollen. Then he had me swish in a medical solution, gave me a bunch of info. on finger infections (basically it says don't pick hangnails) and sent me on my way. He also said he sees cases like mine all the time, and that the clinics don't see as much of them, so they A. make a bigger deal out of them then what they reallly are, and cause patients to panic, and B. don't really know how to lance them because they don't have the experience in it. At the very least, it is a good reminder that doctors can't be experts in everything, and sometimes you need a second opinion. What an experience! The bummer thing is it sounds so dumb! All that time and money and scare over a hangnail. At least if I had broken my arm or something else it would have seemed worth all the effort! Oh well, I finally found a doctor who knew how to deal with it, and I am very thankful. Plus, I got to sleep in until 8:17 this morning! That hasn't happened for years! My kids are of the get up at 6:00 variety. I have the next four days to do whatever I want- it is almost overwhelming! I am sure I will think of something to do!

Finger Lancing Thursday

Okay, today was the day. I couldn't make it until Friday to lance my finger, although finger lancing friday has a better ring to it then finger lancing thursday. Regardless of that, my finger hasn't really gotten better like it should have. A little bit better, but not enough. So last night I made the decision that I was going to have to go in. It was still huge and red, and beyond painful if I accidentally hit it up against something. I called in to the clinic and my doctor doesn't work on thursday, but this sweet lady told me that she had a morning appt. with a different doctor who would be glad to lance my finger. Sign me up! (How sick is that?!) I got down to the appointment, and into the doctors office. He took one look at it and decided that yes, indeed, it had to be lanced. They even brought in a student doing her rounds to watch because it should be really cool with all of the pus coming out. Then he told me that he could put an injection of local anesthetic on it but that it hurts almost as bad as lancing it without anything. So his suggestion was to just get it cut open without anything for pain. And I said, okay, if you think the pain is about the same. (They're doctors right? They know what they are talking about??) Oh.my.goodness. It hurt. They had me lay down on the table so I wouldn't pass out, and told me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. The doctor says I am going to start cutting now, and it will hurt. Now honestly, I didn't think that it would be too bad, they are using a brand new scalpel and those things are sharp. Well, when your finger is swollen to the max and it hurts to run your other finger over it, what can I expect when they slice it with a piece of metal? It honestly felt like he was cutting me with a butter knife, I could feel the skin being jerked. Then he says, okay I am going to push the pus out and this hurts too. He pushed and pushed and pushed. And followed that with "Huh, I am not getting any pus." This was a little alarming for me, seeing as I allowed myself to be sliced open because getting the pus out to relieve the pressure was the only point! What he said he was getting was a lot of blood, and something with a fancy name that I can't remember, but basically when your body gets infected it can build up a type of watery blood. So, the doc says "I am going to try cutting another spot". So we repeated the incision somewhere else with the pus pushing that produced no pus. Not thrilled. However, the pain was not for naught, because I now have two openings for the watery blood and the blood to drain out of, which will hopefully prevent a build up again and I can avoid the pain. Also, my current antibiotic wasn't working so he prescribed me a new one. Praying tons that this works, because he said if it wasn't gone by Tuesday, I would need to come in again. Although he did seem sure that things would heal up much better now. Here's hoping! I can pretty much say I will never pull a hang nail again.

We had an awesome three day weekend! Because Chris had been working like crazy the week before to get a project out the door, on Saturday he wanted to make sure that both kids got to do something they really wanted to do. Naturally, Owen wanted to go fishing, so they got up at 5 am so they could be on the lake at 6 when the fish started biting! Insane! They caught lots of fish and had a blast. Ava wanted to go the zoo. There is this awesome free zoo and arboretum down in the cities. So we hoofed it down. It was about 93 degrees, and apparently, most of the people in the metro decided that this would be a good day for the zoo! We ended up parking what seemed like a million miles away. There were people everywhere! Imagine a couple of thousand people (this is a small zoo, thus part of the reason it is free!) intense heat and enclosed areas! Maybe not the greatest smelling event we have ever done, but it was still awesome! They have this butterfly house that you walk through and the butterflies are amazingly beautiful. All sorts that would never survive typically where we live, and they land on you, which the kids think is
the coolest thing ever. I could go on and on about it, but I won't. We had church on Sunday and then relaxed the rest of the day and fireworks at night. The fireworks were a huge hit with our family. Owen asked us "What is in the fireworks that makes them explode with color like that?" What? You are three years old! I didn't even think a three year old would ever ponder that question! Of course, I didn't know the answer but I did know that the Chinese invented them, so I told him that and that we would look it up on google on what makes fireworks and all of the colors, etc.

On Monday I had to go into the clinic. Last Wednesday, I had a hang nail, which I proceeded to pull, like I have for countless of years before. It got a little red like it usually does, but then it continued to get worse. The red spread down onto the finger and my finger started swelling. It felt like the skin was stretched to the max and that my finger was going to explode. This never happened before all those times I pulled a hang nail! My finger was normal finger color until you got to the top inch which is this horrible, bright red looking color. My hubby said, it definitely looks worse today you should go in. When that comes from Chris, I know he is concerned- he rarely goes into the clinic or feels the need to, so I knew he was worried for me! When my doctor saw it, she said "Wow". And then proceeded to tell me that I would be given a very serious antibiotic, which I had to take 4x a day. I have never, in my life been given an antibiotic that I had to take 4x a day! And then she said, and I quote, "A lot of times, the antibiotic isn't enough, and you may have to come in to get it lanced. Just so you are prepared It hurts a lot." I am so not excited for that possibility, words are not enough to explain it! I am praying a ton that I don't have to go in and get my finger cut open and the pus squeezed out.

Switching gears to our adoption (like that segue?- from pus to babies!) Our caseworker told us that they have quite a few completed adoptions waiting for travel, so more referrals haven't come quickly, but she thinks that we will get our referrals soon. I am way super excited, and a little impatient too. When we were at the zoo there was a ton of adorable african-american babies and I smiled every time I saw them. It just made me think of our children and that someday, we will go to the zoo together and be a family. It also made me get a couple of tears thinking of them, but I will be the first to admit that I am a huge cry-baby. I even cry on disney movies. I can't help it. I took Ava to the Charlotte's Web movie with real people, and when Charlotte died, I was bawling. I turned to Ava and told her that it was okay to cry at movies, and she told me that she was completely fine and not crying at all! Anyway, back to the adoption. Our hope is that we will get our referrals in July, and then travel November or December. I am hoping above hope that this is realistic. Repeat- God's timing, not mine! (But our babies for Christmas sounds like the ultimate present!) I have done good on not buying anything else but the bibs for them, but it is getting harder to stick to my resolution! I did find some material in my closet that I bought last year at the after Thanksgiving sale. The fabric store sells their snuggle flannel really cheap then, so I bought girl fabric and boy fabric, thinking that I would make Ava and Owen a blanket, even though neither one of them needed another blanekt. Then I put it in my closet and forgot about it until a few days ago. Now I have fabric to make both of our babies blankets! Hopefully that will get done this week. The kids have tried to give me ideas on what kind of a design I should do- they are quite elaborate! I think it will just simply be one pattern on one side, and another on the other, simple is good! Ava really wants us to by those snugglies right now. We do plan on getting those, you know what I am talking about, the little blanket with an animal head of some sort attached to the top? We plan on sleeping with them so they smell like us so the kids can always have our scent, but I am afraid if we get them now and sleep with them, they will end up smelling like sweat by the time we get our babies, and that is not what we are going for! I can guarantee that once we know how old our children are and how big, I will go into mommy overdrive and start getting things ready for them! In the mean time, I am stuck in that limbo where I want to go into mommy overdrive, but it just doesn't make sense yet. Soon, soon!

On a lighter note...

So I figure that I have had a couple of heavy posts the last few times, and in honor of it finally being Friday and having the next three glorious days to be home with my husband, I thought that I would just share a couple of fun pictures with you. One is the new color of our bedroom that I love, and my hubby feels neutral about. (I suppose that is better than absolutely hating it!) I still need to hang up the curtains and re-do some of the things hanging on the wall, but you can see the color very well anyway! The other is a picture of my kids. Ava dressed up her brother so they could do a hula performance with glow in the dark sticks! Absolutely hilarious! This will definitely be one of those pictures that I bust out at his graduation party. Hmmm, I seem to remember doing this to my three younger brothers!





Also want to give a shout out to my reader who posted the website for the blog on crock pot cooking. I LOVE it! I am pumped to use this site a lot! My cooking will be completely transformed! The website is: www.crockpot365.blogspot.com if anyone else wants to take a look at it.

God's Timing....

Since we have been in the process of adopting for 3/4 of a year, (I can't believe it has been that long already!) I have spent a fair amount of time in those months reading other adoption blogs where the families are adopting out of various African countries. There is something comforting in reading what other adoptive parents are going through as we go through the same thing. And I love seeing other people's passion for Africa and the people there. Lately though, if I am honest with myself, I have been having a hard time as families receive their referrals, or are getting ready to travel, or who have recently come home with their children. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic and over the moon for them, and I have cried many tears of joy for these families, of whom I don't even know. Even my kids have wondered at me when they see the tears and ask what is wrong, and I say nothing, that I am happy for these families who have waited so long for their children!

Had we stayed in the Ethiopia program, we more than likely would have had our referral by now. And even though I know that we made the right decision for our family by leaving that program, knowing that we would have had a child by now can get me down. And as I see other families receive their referrals, it only reinforces that we do not have ours yet. I don't like that I feel this way, and I have to fight against it. What I do know is that God has an ultimate plan for us, and that His ways are infinitely better than mine. But that does not always make the longing be less or ever completely go away. I have faith in knowing that our situation will be mapped out exactly as it should, but I still have to reconcile that my timing and God's timing, are not the same right now.

I don't mean to sound so depressing! We have so much to be thankful for, but I just feel like I needed to admit what I am going through right now. There is a song that I find great comfort in by John Waller, it is called "While I'm Waiting". I will list the lyrics below. It is a great reminder for me, to live the life that God has given me, and as we wait for our children, I can serve Him and know that he loves us.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I still haven't figured out how to make a link on a post, but if you do not already know the song, I would definitely look the video up on you tube. It is beautiful, and you will love it.