We had an interesting weekend with Moyz. I am not sure if I should call it good, or call it bad. But basically he was afraid of everyone, even our good friends who he spends a ton of time with. And we went to DQ for supper and he wasn't happy there either. I think at DQ he was perhaps upset with all of the crowds of people, but I can't explain everything else. The good thing is if I am trying to think positive, is that he wanted me really bad all the time. Of course, since I am a glass half-empty type of person, I thought that he felt like he was at an orphanage and we were going to abandon him.
I guess it all just plays into my fears that I mentioned earlier about him really being okay. I know that it is great that he wanted me, but he really seemed upset as opposed to just anxiety over people. Of course, I could just be looking into it much more than I need to because why think about something when you can over-analyze it in every way? Yikes.
And then I read someone else's blog about how their child regressed and is drooling and not remembering how to get dressed or put their garbage in the garbage can. Still, attachment is scary if you don't think it is going right, even if it may not be "all that bad". Plus I need to remember that attachment is a journey, not a destination, and that there will be ups and downs. Even when I can't tell if something is an up or a down!
From what I have read (and read, and read ;)and heard from other parents... it is tough. As a Mother of a biological child - it's easy to diagnose things. He's 'off', cause he's tired, or maybe he's getting sick... but with our adopted children there are many more layers to the onion.
ReplyDeleteI think your right to over analyze these things with your adopted kids. Many adopted children are scared of visitors or public places for all sorts of reason. They could have triggers, and they can regress. If only the could talk!!
I think your instincts are good, and you should trust them... and when in doubt, you can never go wrong with giving him lots of cuddles and reassurance. ;)
PS - I'm in the processing of writing a post about cocooning, and some specialists say 2 days for every 1 day spent in the orphanage is required to form a healthy attachment - give or take based on the individual of course. Something to keep in mind anyway... ;)
OUr daughter is doing similar things. She will have a day where she wants to be held a lot, but cries to be put down, then cries to get back up (nearly instantly) over and over. It is like she wants both, but can't make up her mind. She did this in country a lot too, but it has reemerged! I don't like to say that "time heals all..." but I do feel like trust is built over time, as is attachment... so we pick up, put down, pick up put down, and kiss or hug or "nurse" as much as we can.
ReplyDeleteYes! We do that a lot too! Hopefully I will have some amazing arms when it is all said and done. :) Moyz sure wants to be held a lot, but then when it comes to giving me kisses, no way Jose. Oh well, I consider it good that he at least wants to be in my arms!
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