Friday, September 7, 2012

Why I Hate Potty Training

I know.  I know what you are thinking.  You are all like, Jess, you should have been one of those moms who says that she potty trained her kid at 12 months with as many kids as you have in diapers.  My response to that would be um, no, the kid isn't potty trained, the parent is.  Unless of course you did this with your kid, and then I would say that your kids is a bowel movement genius.  Hopefully it's catching, like a disease, so how about you bring your genius over to my house and show my midgets how to poop in the toilet.  WHERE IT BELONGS.....

I get it, I really do.  They are only 25 months.  But come on, my first two were both potty trained by this age, and my expendable income is getting literally sucked down the toilet and I can't buy things that I want, like expensive coffee.  For real children, get a clue.  Poop goes in the toilet.  Pee too.  That would be awesome.

I have two kids who like to play in the toilet, not naming names Moyz and Truitt, and one kid who likes to sit on the toilet whenever she sees me do it.  She even claps for me and says "Yay Mommy!"

I think I could maybe convince Kembia to do it if I could ever catch her peeing.  Seriously, the girl pees so little that we had her tested for diabetes, and she is fit as a fiddle.  The kid just doesn't let a lot of liquid volume loose.  She does, however, tell me when she has already pooped.  Pleasant.  And I swear once upon a time when I was pregnant with Ava and actually read books on how to raise children that if your kid can tell you when they have pooped, then they are ready to be potty trained.

Honestly, part of the problem is me.  I kind of don't want to deal with teaching two kids to use the bathroom right now on top of everything else in my life, but I am getting slightly sick of the 15 or so diapers I change a day.  Did you know that 13 month old kids can't digest cranberries?  Nope, not even a little bit.  And if you feed that same child taboule, their poop will get all weird and light colored and stink to high heaven, and more likely than not, seep out of their diaper and down their legs soaking into their pants and then onto the parent that is holding them.

Yeah, Kembia I think for sure is probably ready.  Moyz, he is one of those kids who probably is better off with a catheter.  The kid pees all.the.time.  He only has one type of diaper, completely full.  We probably will spend all day just sitting on the toilets reading books because I think that he probably pees in one continuous stream 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I can just see us in the car and I will be constantly saying "you have to pee again?  Can you hold it 10 more minutes".  I bet he becomes proficient at peeing on the side of the road because I am not doing the pee into the bottle method that men like to toss around when they are in groups feeling all macho.

I am totally, 100% against pull ups.  Seriously people, they are just another diaper.  Why is it that so much of the population can't see this?  We went straight to undies for our kiddos.  And it actually worked pretty well.  Once they saw those skivvies and understood that they can't pee all over them and make them yucky we were golden.  This time around though, I am not sure I can handle all the checking up on the kids to make sure their cute undies aren't stained and leaving a trail all around the house because mom didn't get to them fast enough.



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