Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Bad Nativities

We've never had a nativity.  That's probably no-no for anyone who calls themselves a Christian. (Doesn't that just sound more than a little legalistic?!) But it has just never happened.

Also, I kind of have issues with the nativity.  Cause it's sort of all incorrect.  How?  I am so glad you asked.

First of all, there is always a stable, but chances are extremely high that Jesus was born in a cave. That's right, a cave.  Mary is always white, which really irritates the crap out of me, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she is almost always in blue or purple flowing robes.

Where do we start with that?  She was a Jew from the Middle East, and did not look like a native Californian, also, only the rich could afford colors like purple.

The wise men didn't even get to Jesus when he was a baby.  Read the Bible, it's true.  The biblical account says they went into the house and there was the young child.  Not a baby, and not a manger/cave.  It took them at least a year, if not several to find Jesus.

Also, there really weren't three Kings, there were three gifts (gold, frankincense and myrrh) and us modern people automatically assume that it equals three people as well.  I guess there could have been three Kings, but it definitely is not factual.

And, for what it's worth, the best guesses of Mary's age place her somewhere between 12-16.  And by guesses I mean really smart theologians who factor in things like the ages of marrying at that time period and all that fascinating stuff.  So that nice motherly figure you see in the nativities should probably be replaced with a seriously young looking girl, if not a picture of your tween daughter if she happens to have darker hair and eyes.  (Ava with her uber white skin, freckles and blue eyes just isn't going to make the Mary cut!)  Also, I have zero basis for this other than my own opinion, but the Bible talks about how God specifically chose Mary because she was pretty awesome (my translation not the Bibles), so I'm kind of thinking that if she was so amazing that chances are she would have been snatched up to marry Joseph on the younger end of the 12-16 age spectrum.

In honor of all the um, misunderstanding about the nativity, here are some seriously suspect ones for you to enjoy.

Cat Nativity

Dog Nativity

Irish Nativity

Bizarre mermaid nativity

Frog nativity

What is up with all of the animal nativities?  And who buys these?  And where can I get one that resembles the truth?

1 comment:

  1. Kind of along those lines in Church last Sunday Pastor Martin showed a picture of what historians believe Jesus would have looked like being born during those times in the middle east. The average male would have been 5'1" and weighed about 110 lbs. Also he would have been dark skinned and dark haired with a very mid-eastern looking face. Quite the contrast the tall blonde haired blue eyed image we have grown up with.